Man in the Box
Suggested listening - Alice in Chains “Bleed The Freak”
“He took the Funko Pops”
West Hollywood, CA. 2022
(Some names have been changed)
Jerry Cantrell is coming into the office today! We had received a shipment of close to 20 guitars from Gibson, with the bulk of them being the two signature Epiphone Les Pauls they were about to release. Jerry was going to come and autograph the guitars for a limited run of online sales and sweepstakes.
I love Alice In Chains. From a technical standpoint they’re incredible songwriters, and can play circles around their contemporaries. Nirvana? Great band, but Kurt Cobain wishes he could rip a solo like Jerry. Pearl Jam? They rock, but Eddie Vedder isn’t Layne Staley. Mike Inez is Filipino like me, and Sean Kinney can bash skins with the best of them. My uncle played in a band with William Duvall in Atlanta, who revitalized the group by bringing a certain soulfulness to their sound.
Alice in Chains were the first Seattle grunge band to get signed from the scene, they never lost a beat, they are music legends. Their record “Dirt” I have on constant rotation, and I was going to meet one of my guitar heroes today. For me, it was Christmas in June.
After leaving Universal Music Group in 2019, (and surviving that tiny thing that happened in March of 2020) and bouncing around weird jobs for two years, in 2022 I found myself at a renowned artist management agency that managed the likes of Alice In Chains. I was doing Digital Marketing for some of my favorite bands of all time, and for a moment, I was happy again, ready to put my volatile work history in the past.
I bugged Gracie, one of the managers, endlessly about how excited I was that all these guitars had showed up at the office. I wanted to play all of them, but I was given strict instruction not to touch them until Jerry showed up.
Nerissa, my supervisor, gave me a crash course on interacting with Jerry; all the things I should and shouldn’t say, and all the things I should, and shouldn’t do. He was still understandably sensitive about Layne, and I was told not to bring him up. Jerry had also recently sold off the publishing rights to the Alice In Chains catalog, and I was told not to bring that up either.
I had met my fair share of rockstars and celebrities by this point already, they’re normal people like you, and me. I had to just try my best to not be a fanboy when meeting this living legend. Easy, peasy. (And if you’re keeping up with the way this is written, I’m still failing).
The time was nigh, I was told to bring the guitars to the conference room upstairs, but was specifically still told not to play them. We laid the guitar cases into two rows with open lids to make it easier for Jerry to walk through and sign them. About 20 minutes later, in walks Jerry Cantrell, Nerissa introduces me to Jerry.
“Hi Jerry, I just want to say I’m a guitar player too, and I’m a big fan of your music and your playing.”
“Cool, thanks man.”
Hell yeah, this is awesome. Nerissa and I explain to Jerry where each guitar is getting signed, and where it’s ultimately being delivered to. I tell Jerry that I’m going to film a video, I ask him to talk about the guitars, and to do a brief introduction. He looks at me and goes “You ready?”
“What’s happening folks? Signing some Gibson and Epiphone guitars that we have in stock for ya, if you choose to partake. (I’m) personalizing them all and really happy with these guitars that Gibson has been making for me, and it’s been a really fun partnership coming up with some cool designs. Hope you’re digging em because I certainly am, get yourself one.”
One take, flawless, rock and roll, done.
Now here comes my stupid mouth:
“That’s awesome! You’re a pro, it’s almost as if you’ve done this before.”
Silence.
I told Jerry that I was going to shoot some B-roll of him signing the guitars for social media. He picks up each guitar, and signs his name on the back of the headstocks, all in one very fluid motion. This was just a part of his day, not his whole day.
Here it comes.
“You know? I’ve got an Ibanez Iceman you can sign.”
“Just keep filming man”
Ouch.
I kept quiet the rest of the day, but despite me being awkward, I was still really stoked. We had received a proof of some promotional Alice in Chains Funko Pops but they went missing. I asked Lauren, one of the office assistants, if she had seen them and she said that Jerry had taken them when he left.
The entire office ended up going to the Los Angeles date of the Alice in Chains tour that year. I met Jerry again backstage and had to reintroduce myself because he didn’t remember who I was. Probably for the best.
